Twice a year I get to take a trip to the Ocularist. I call it a doctor's appointment, though technically it's not. He's not a doctor. He's an Ocularist. He makes artificial eyes. (Don't worry, you have to be certified and it takes like 7 years of training...you just aren't an MD.)
It's so strange to me that people aren't familiar with it. As it has been a part of my life for the past 15 years.
It's a pretty simple process most visits (unless you're having a brand new one made...then it's like a crazy 2 day process). They do a check-up, make sure that it's fitting properly, do a thorough surface cleaning and then I'm out the door.
Unless it needs some tweaking, which it did today. This tends to take awhile because they have to figure out exactly what they need to change for it to fit properly and then he goes back, makes the changes, comes back out, I have to sit there for a bit to let it settle in and then we look at it and make sure it's alright. And if it's not, we do that whole process over again.
Today it was just one fix. Not so bad. But still, I always sit there thinking "nobody else I know ever has to do this".
Just me. I am the only person I know with a prosthetic eye. I have met other people with prosthetic eyes, but I don't have any friends or acquaintances who have one.
Which means, I can't have one of those complainy convos with a buddy like "ugh, y'know when you go in and they have to make an impression of your socket? and it stings so badly? ugh I hate that" and they're all "me too! so annoying."
No, if I said that to you (or perhaps if you just read it), you'd probably just have a look of fear/disgust/confusion on your face. It's ok, it's really not so bad. Don't have nightmares from reading my blog.
I'm just saying. I'm sort of on my own out here in the world of prosthetic eyes.
Want to know something cool though?
I used to hate talking about it. I would cry anytime anyone asked me anything. Because, well, it was sad for me. And a somewhat traumatic thing for a 12 year old to go through. And I was still so ashamed and embarrassed and uncomfortable about it.
But now...I don't cry anymore. It's so matter of fact to me after this much time. And honestly, I like educating people about it. Because what makes it uncomfortable sometimes is people asking questions that, to me, feel insensitive. But they're usually not. It's just that the person literally has had NO exposure to something like this. So I tell them. And then they know. And then if they run into someone else with a prosthetic eye (tell them I say hello!) - they will understand and perhaps sympathize and make that other person a little more comfortable.
So, yay that I can write about my prosthesis on my blog and not be afraid. (Or at least, not be nearly as afraid as I would've been 5 or 10 years ago.)
It's just a part of who I am.
Other truth? Sometimes I sing Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl as "One Eyed Girl" and jam out with myself. Why not? Don't judge me. It's kinda fun. Doesn't sound quite as good, but it's a song about me!
2 comments:
Hey, I loved reading this. You are brave and special and sparkly and all kinds of other wonderful things.
Thanks for giving me some insight into something I knew nothing about. Does it freak you out when they want to make a mold of your socket? I don't think I would enjoy that much. Love your blog - keep it up!
It freaked me out the first time I had to do it, but now it's just...irritating! Both physically and emotionally.
But to be honest, it's the worst part of the whole process, and it's not all that terrible. Unpleasant, but no more than other random medical procedures we all endure. If that's the worst of it, then I feel like I'm pretty lucky when it comes to dealing with a medical issue.
For me, the actual process and physical part isn't the tough part. It's the emotional side. The fact that everyone can SEE it. In fact, we're raised to look someone in the eye. So, it's basically on display in every face-to-face interaction. And I think about it every time. Worrying if someone is noticing, judging, wondering. That's the tough part for me.
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