It's all about perspective.

I have a good life. I'm relatively healthy, relatively happy, relatively successful. I'm loved.

Some days...I don't feel that way. Some days I can' see the big picture. Or the small picture. Or I can't see the picture at all. All I see is the mess in front of me. Or inside me. Or all around me.

And then, I have a moment. A moment like I had today.

Walking down 29th street to run an errand for work. I look up into the sky. It was SO blue. It was warm. It's June. And I thought, "Lauren: It's a beautiful summer day and you live in New York City. Embrace this. Relish in it. Enjoy it."

I could've thought, "It's really hot...I'm tired...I don't want to be at work...I feel fat in this dress."

But instead, I focused on blue, blue sky. And sunshine. And summertime. And the warmth of the sun on my skin. And my sunglasses...because they're awesome.

I just took a moment to change my perspective. And it brightened my day.

Again I say...blog readers: Whenever I get down, remind me to go read this entry and focus on the good and the love in my life. There's a lot of both.

Lovies. :)

Biking Adventure!

So Sunday I took out my bike for the very first time! I got it for Christmas. It's an AWESOME looking bike.

A Pacific Oceanside Cruiser

And mine has a little wicker basket on the front and a bell and it's adorable.

And I got this pretty little helmet that kind of matches the flowers on the bike (which are too small to see in the bike photo...I apologize.

Yeah! I'm like adorable on this thing.

So Sunday I decide to christen said bike and helmet with a trip down from my apartment on 181st Street to the pharmacy on 96th Street (where I get my prescriptions...why, you ask, do I go to RANDOM 96th street when I do not live/work in said area? Long story. Perhaps I will explain at the bottom of this blog if I'm in the mood.) thinking this will be a quick/easy ride.

I choose to take the Greenway (the huuuuuuuuuge long path along the west side of manhattan...no cars, perfect place for me to get used to the bike!). For the most part, it's pretty flat and I had no terrain issues. But I notice...man, it's hard to pedal this dang bike. Like, for a flat path, this is taking a whole lot of effort. I'm probably a little over a mile into my ride when I realize this, but I keep going.

So I get to my first biggish hill and I'm like "LAUREN DON'T LET THIS HILL BEAT YOU! STAY ON THE BIKE!!" (to myself, naturally...so as not to scare away the other people on the path) and with a WHOLE lot of effort, I did. So proud, Yay Me, I think! I'm such a good biker.

So we're about 2.5 miles in to this right? And it's taken me like 18 minutes to get this far and I'm like "hey, this is supposed to be FASTER than running...what's the deal?!" and I look down ....and I see why it's taking so long.

My tires are basically flat.

Like not flat, obvious flat, that I would've noticed before I left.

But flat like, I can squeeze the tire and make a major dent.

Well...I'm already half way there....

So I just keep going.

And it SUCKED.

But thankfully, only 2 blocks from my pharmacy is a BIKE STORE, where I fill up the flat tires. And then try riding again and I'm like "HOLY DIFFERENCE, BATMAN!" So I ran my errands with glee.

And then I rode on the street for awhile! Like SUPER BRAVE of me cause I think it's about the scariest thing in the world to ride your bike on a NYC street. But at this point I was like "gosh, I'm pretty pooped, I don't think I want to ride the 5 miles back. I'll just take the subway!"

So I carry sweet bike down the subway stairs. Which is no easy feat, but I had anticipated that I would be doing this at some point with bikeybike so I was mentally prepared. It was awkward, but I did it. I get down there, swipe my card, go through the emergency door thing...there are no uptown trains at this station today.

.....

REALLY?! Well screw this, I'm not carrying my dang bike back UP the stairs. I'll go down one more set of stairs, ride the train DOWN 4 stops to get on a express train to take me HOME.

Which I do. And I actually did pretty well with all that. Found some elevators and things to get me to the right platform, blah blah. All is well.

So then I get off 2 stops early to pick up some stuff for dinner, put it in my adorable wicker basket, and ride my bike from 168 back home to 181.

What an adventure! What a ridiculously unplanned MESS ...that ended up being just fine.

But still. Next time? Check tires and subway schedules.

Lessons learned for Biking in NYC.

LOVIES!

Grateful.

Do you ever have one of those "Well, DUH." moments where you realize something that you were totally upset about was really for the best? And you definitely told yourself that while crap was going down but didn't realize until MONTHS later that it's actually true?

So grateful for those moments.

So grateful to realize I am better off where I am now.

I don't think or say that enough. I am grateful for my life. There are so many things that frustrate me and I am the first person to say the last 3 years have been the absolute hardest and worst (sad, right?) of my life. I struggled and I cried and I fought through so much pain...and I made it to the other side in one piece.

I'm so much stronger and I have learned so much about life and pain and how strong I am.

I am lucky. I am a beautiful soul. There are people in this world that love me for exactly who I am. And they care. You care...because the people who read this are definitely those people. I love you all.

I may not have everything I want right now, but I will find more happiness.

And I'm happy that those people that I left behind (or who left me behind) are happy too. I hope they'll stay happy. And I hope that eventually, they can wish me happiness too. Because they will be in my heart forever for the love they showed me at one time. Regardless of how they may treat me now.

But anyway...I'm just grateful. I'm grateful that today I said "DUH...Lauren, things are OK" and I know it to be true.

...people, please remind me of this the next time I'm freaking out. :)

Lovies!

PS: 1.5 miles on Saturday. I complained the last .3 because it was cold out and I was breathing through my mouth...but training is on track so far!