All of my friends are getting married.

Everyone.  I swear.  And I'm happy for them.  Like I really am. 

But it just makes me think, "Huh.  I did that once............"

Day 246: This is how I feel...

Day 246: This is how I feel..., a photo by lalasappy on Flickr.


A blank page.  An empty book.
I am.
Thoughtless, wordless, forgotten.
No beginning or end.
Untouched.
With no direction.
With no pen or pencil to guide
An authorless storybook
No pictures inside.
Open, exposed
But with nothing to hide.
Lost, but there's nothing to find.
Unsure if I have enough ink to write
a story to fill the many, many pages
of nothing.

To Facebook Or Not To Facebook?

Maybe you all remember reading THIS BLOG POST about how I deactivated my facebook.  I told myself I'd like to stay off facebook until November 1st.  And I'm what, 3 days away from that deadline, and by gum, I've done it. 

Honestly, I've really enjoyed NOT having facebook.  I found myself always comparing my life to everyone else's when I was on there.  And it was making me unhappy.  So and so is getting married.  So and so is having babies.  So and so got a great new job.  So and so booked this show.  So and so traveled here and there. 

I was JEALOUS, alright?! 

What was my year like last year?

Lauren got divorced.  Lauren's job is mediocre.  Lauren's weight goes up and down.  Lauren really likes taking pictures of her dogs because that's who she spends most of her time with.

Ok, ok, that's a little melodramatic, but you get the idea.  That's where my mind would go. 

But here's the thing - it has seriously made me SO out of the loop.  Like SERIOUSLY out of the loop about things.  Those friends who got married?  I haven't seen pictures of the wedding!  Those friends that had babies?  Some sent me announcements, but I haven't gotten any updates!  (not their fault at all, they're busy people and that's why they post it on FACEBOOK!)  But the holidays are coming (and my birthday - wink wink!) and I am an actual Christmas (Or Holiday or Winter Solstice, what have you) Card Sender and I will have a much shorter list of cards this year unless I can hop back on that baby and remind people to send me their address! (plus it's totally saved in my inbox...y'know facebook saves all of your info if you deactivate...I think for a certain number of years...good for them.  makes my life easier!)

So I can't decide.  Go back or don't go back.  Connect or stay blissfully unaware. 

I've also thought about how much easier it is to send an invitation if I decide to do a birthday party...I'd forget so many friends by just using my cell phone.  I seriously didn't realize how many people's numbers I DIDN'T have in my cell before. 

Now, I have some options here...

• I could go back full force and bask in all of facebook's glory.

• I could go back but really limit how often I'm on there and how active I am.

• I could go back temporarily and then deactivate again.

• I could not go back at all and just stay out of touch.

Folks, I need opinions on this.  For reals.  I'm so torn...it's silly, I suppose.  But I miss some of my friends! 

Help me make this decision!  I've been so strong and I'm super proud of staying off for the time I have...but come Nov 2...should I go back?

Oh my gosh, what is WRONG with me?!

First: I stopped running, apparently. I ran on Sunday and I haven't run since. And guess what? THE RACE IS ON SATURDAY. That's 2, COUNT 'EM 2, days from now....

Last night I said "ok Lauren, get up in the morning and run and you can go into work a few minutes late!" Which turned into...Sleep in til 8:40...still be late for work, but no running.

Ugh.

Nothing will get me motivated and things keep just popping up to distract me! I got stuck at work on Monday, had an audition after work Tuesday, a callback after work Wednesday and now tonight I'm seeing MEMPHIS...so there goes this week.

PS: Callback? Nothing fab. Weird company and they are looking for 3 women out of the 30 at the callback which lasted about 3 hours. ...Can you say, "hey, you're kind of wasting my time?"

Yup, you can.

Anywho, I'll shut up about running for a minute.

I'm having some trouble deciding...where to go, what to do next...I just have no idea. I think I want to move to Austin? But there's really no major reason aside from my family. Part of me doesn't want to give up on "the dream" but part of me is like "if I leave NY, I'll probably get to work MORE because there's less competition." I don't know.

Any ideas for me? Careers to pursue? Places to go? Things to try? I've run out of steam trying to think of things or ideas.

OH: PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME GOOD RUNNING TUNES! I need 'em for Saturday.

Ok, back to work now! Gotta be productive in SOME way today!