Friday morning, I said goodbye to my best friend. You may roll your eyes...but really, my dog Charley was the best friend I could ever ask for. He was there for me constantly - anytime I wanted or needed him, he loved me unconditionally, he made me smile and laugh every single day, and he was always willing to wipe (or lick) away my tears. He was completely devoted 100% of the time. Those are just a few of the little joys he brought to my life.
I had a really hard time deciding to let him go. It was such a painful choice to make, but I was almost feeling selfish making him put up with his pain so I could have him there. Now, really, I don't know how much pain he was actually in because he couldn't tell me...and I had him hopped up on codeine (chicken flavored! my vet is awesome...) all the time. But as I looked back at pictures and I saw him sitting up or standing or...in motion...and I realized I couldn't remember the last time I actually saw him like that, it sort of hit me how far his disease had progressed.
I was completely willing to pick him up and carry him everywhere and hand-feed him and bathe him every time we had an "accident". But I finally had to ask myself what kind of life that was for him. After many conversations with my vet and with my family, I decided it was time. And now watching Scout run around and jump and play and go get a drink whenever she feels like it, I feel like I did the right thing.
It doesn't make it any easier. Even with Scout around, the apartment feels empty without Charley. He just constantly showed his love for me and radiated happiness. And I can feel it missing now... The little smile he would get on his face made my heart melt every time. And he was so content just to sit against my leg or sleep in my arms. It's where he was happiest - as close to me as he could be.
I miss him so much. Every morning I wake up and wish he was here. I wish he had been a healthy dog so his life wouldn't have been cut so short.
I am relieved he isn't hurting anymore. But the relief just doesn't cancel out the grief.
The vet who came to put him down made an imprint of his paw out of plaster and gave it to me, along with a poem called "The Rainbow Bridge".
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.
I am going to believe in that. Because it gives me hope that I will see my little guy again. And we can mend the piece of my heart that he's taken with him.
I love you, Charley. Goodbye my sweet boy.
