I'm totally going to be that girl...

GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!

WOOO BLACK AND GOLD!

Whew, ok, now that I have that out of my system, I can focus on what I actually wanted to say.

I'm mad at the snow.

Not for the reason you think.

I LOVE the snow. And the snow is disappointing me this year. It's all "hey, hey the weatherman says I'm coming and I'm gonna be intense!!! ...juuuuust kidding, only 4 inches...which in NYC doesn't matter cause the plows take care of it in about 10 minutes and the subways are still running."

And then "ooooooo I'm coming and it's gonna be an ALL DAY storm!!! ...only joking, it's all day, but only the first 2 hours are snow, then it's sleet and freezing rain...which is just annoying. Not at all pretty."

And finally "OH YEAH...HERE IT IS...I'm gonna SLAM you!!! ...ehh, only with 8 inches and I'm done by 6am so the plows came and now you just have to slop through me on the sidewalks where someone didn't shovel (which they could get fined for so it's pretty rare)."

Lame. Really lame snow.

I want a BLIZZARD!! I want to be UNABLE TO GO TO WORK DUE TO SNOWSTORM. And 2011 snow is making that impossible. It's just some far off dream where I get to take a snow day and play outside in beautiful, fluffy, white goodness.

Dear Flakes,

Please come visit New York City. Please come with all your friends, relatives, aquaintences, and anyone else you can muster. Please come DUMP yourselves all over our gorgeous metropolis so that it may shut down for at least one business day. Let it be a snow emergency. Let it be so intense we talk about it for weeks. I've got plenty of canned goods, so I'm ready. (I mean, let's not knock out the power or anything, cause then I'll get cold...but y'know, do your thing!)

Sincerely,

Your Most Hopeful Friend,

Lauren

A Bleeding Heart.

I've discovered in recent weeks that my ability to care for and love those around me is so great, it's almost too great. I don't mean this the way it sounds... How do I begin?

I care too much. I care as soon as I like someone/something. I attach myself to those I care for. Then I hurt when those I care for are mistreated or hurting. I hurt even more when those I care for aren't a part of my life anymore...or even not as much as they used to be. And I hurt when those I care for seem to have forgotten about me.

This doesn't sound unreasonable, you say. I realize that. But it feels unreasonable. I get SO sad...I feel SO upset...I'm at a loss.

I realize that I leave a little bit of me with every person and every creature that I love or care for. And sometimes, I feel their loss. I feel the space the piece used to occupy and it feels empty. But the opposite is also true, when I give that piece and that piece I give feels love in return, I feel so full. I feel such peace and such happiness. But in the long run, I have found that it's about 60/40 or even 65/35 in empty vs full.

I watched a silly web video a few days ago of a Mommy Duck and her babies walking along...and a wind sweeps them up and they all start rolling out of control. My heart was pounding. My throat was dry. And all of a sudden, I'm crying at my desk at work. Crying because the ducks got caught up in the wind and are being separated from one another. (Now...I will tell you, the ducks end up alright...I had someone check for me. But I had to TURN OFF the video in the middle because I was so upset.)

Seriously? Ducks. I cared so much for the ducks in the video that I cried. What's wrong with me?! And furthermore, if I'm that upset about ducks in the wind, how is it that I still eat meat?

But that's not even the worst part of it for me. What's hardest is when I WANT to give my love to someone or something and I'm not able to so. Being away from my family. Not spending time with my dogs. Seeing a dog tied to a parking meter on the street in the snow...and not being able to take it home or give it a doggie sweater. I want to adopt all the stray puppies in the whole world and have them in my apartment. This would make me happy. It would also make me stinky, which is why I cannot do it. But will I deal with this disappointment rationally? No. I'll cry at every ASPCA commercial I see...and feel bad when I see adoption posters around the city. And I'm not even going to go into how baby hungry I am since I stopped nannying...it's sick. Like seriously sick. I'm 25 years old and have plenty of years ahead of me. But when I see a baby, that's not what my head (and frankly, my uterus) is telling me.

I don't know why I'm putting this out here for everyone to read. I don't need sympathy or anything, I promise. I think it's more for someone to be like "Hey, Lauren, get a grip. The ducks are fine. And you aren't responsible for every stray dog in the US." But truthfully, I don't think that will help either!

I leave you with this cosmic question: Is it better to care more and hurt more or care less and hurt less?

Happy MLK Jr Day folks! Peace.

Likes

Things I Like:

Oatmeal

Snow

Sleeping

Puppies

UGGS

Dreaming

Turning OFF the computer

Writing

Cooking

Giving

iPhone

Chocolate

Harry Potter

Singing

Home

Mom

Dad

Haircuts

Taking Pictures

Smiling

Soft Couches

Vacations

Money

Checkmarks

Kisses

Sweatpants

Snail Mail

Ballet

Anti-Gravity Yoga

Friends

Sharing

Pink

Clean Laundry

Holding Hands

A Still, Small Voice

Books

Bikes

Trains

Piano

Siblings

The Future

Board Games

Mac and Cheese

Mittens

Scarves

Ice Cream

Cuddling

Talking

TOMS

Christmas

Invitations

Make-up

Diet Pepsi

Babies

Snowboarding

I'm sure I've forgotten something.

Holiday Pictures (Cause you know you wanna see!)

So December is my favorite month EVER because it has my birthday and Christmas in it! So here are some pictures from the month of December.

For my birthday, my mom and brother came to NYC and we hung out, saw some shows, had lots of fun! We saw ELF on my birthday and when we were done, we decided to go for ice cream. So this was my official birthday cake:

I got a "love it" because it was a special day (and we hadn't eaten dinner) but I think the girl gave me some extra because it looked much more like a "gotta have it" to me! Chocolate Ice Cream, Oreos and Cherry Pie Filling. Amazing.

I finally got my very own Christmas Tree for my apartment! This is a view of it through the french doors in the living room. The tree was technically in the kitchen, but I just loved how it looked there. :)

I went home to Pittsburgh for Christmas and got to spend it with my mom and brother. We had Christmas Eve with some family friends, Christmas morning with my mom's boyfriend at his house and Christmas night at our house with about 20 friends/family.

Christmas morning we each opened one gift before going over for breakfast. I got a new pair of UGGS. I love UGGS. I don't care what people say about them being stupid looking. They are warm and comfy and wonderful. And now I have 4 pairs! Light brown, dark brown, black and gray! Wooooooo! (this is necessary because basically from November to April, I only wear UGGS. Nothing else. Unless someone forces me.)

And this is my mom's Christmas Tree. :) It was beautiful! She always does a great job decorating for Christmas.

So Happy Holidays and stuff to all you people out there in the world. I had a lovely holiday season...and now I'm counting down til the next one! (344 days until my birthday! 352 days until Christmas!! Woo woo!)

I didn't do it.

I didn't really stay away from facebook completely...but I did a dang good job! Now I am trying to still go easy on it. No facebook while at work, obviously, and very little at night. Only when I'm bored on my phone. This is good for me.

Of course, give up one and start another. I've gotten really into twitter. I still don't understand it (What the heck is a hashtag and how do you use it?!) but I love reading people's really dumb or random thoughts or updates. Some of my friends are super hilarious.

Ok, really, I'm just writing this because I really don't want to do the thing I'm supposed to be doing right now. And that's wrong. I shouldn't be procrastinating. So I'm going to stop writing now and get back to what it is I should be doing.

But hey...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ok, ok, one more thing: My Resolution.

I have decided I need to eat LESS meat. I eat meat at nearly every lunch and dinner. And it's not healthy. It's tough, but right now I am down to meat only 3 days a week. I've planned my dinners (because that's the toughest meal for me) for the week and so far, so good!

I'm going to try to work it down to 2 days a week and then 1...but I figure baby-steps are the way to go here. Then once I'm down to very little meat, I'm also going to cut out UNHEALTHY dairy. I eat a LOT of cheese. Like a freakish amount of cheese, when I think about it. So, I need to do away with that.

And probably ice cream. Shouldn't have that almost every day.

Basically I'm hoping I can get to a point where I am near-vegan.

And if you have any tips or anything that can help, I'm open to it. I'm also open to someone showing me some video about how slaughterhouses work and maybe then I won't want ANY meat at all...but the idea of that also really scares me...so I'm not sure I'm ready for it. But if you'll hold my hand through it, maybe.

Ok. Really though, back to the real world.

Peace!